I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
