Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
