yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
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