i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
