I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
