That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
