He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
