So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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