Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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