I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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