this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
