Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Pants 0. Shit 1.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
