Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
