I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
