plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
