i always forget guys have bellybuttons
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
