dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
