the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
All the doctor said was why
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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