Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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