I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Randomize
