waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
