My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
