remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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