worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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