I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Its about making memories worth repressing
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
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