Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
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