fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
