dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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