shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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