Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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