My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
