it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
