Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
