I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
