dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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