1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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