cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
this boner is exhausting
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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