she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
