so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
what day is it and did you see me today?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
