Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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