Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Randomize
