It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
