Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
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If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
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If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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