at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
