So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
