I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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