Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize