I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You're earring is so big in my mouth
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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