I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
