Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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