There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Your cock deserves a montage
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
