In the future we'll all be gay
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
