Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
