i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
