Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
