Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
