I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
