I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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