i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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