we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
