I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
