I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
