So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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