Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
