That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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