i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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