I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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