She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Randomize
