Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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