How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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