WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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