eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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