i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
