dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
